I just want to say sorry, this is a confession, I guess.
You know the best thing about solitude..... I can be me! I can stop being what everyone else wants me to be, I can stop recreating myself to fit into other peoples expectations..... I can sing, laugh and dance around the house, I can wear trakkies and my flannie shirt around the house and listen to the music that I like. I can be me and true to myself. Its fantastic. Not that everything I have done is not true to myself, just some of the stuff that I have decided to do, has been to fit in and try and be "cool".... I want to go back to the person I was in primary school when my best friend was Ellen and we used to play with barbies and create musicals and perform them to our mums... I want to be able to just move and not worry about whether or not I lifted my leg too high. I just want to be able to do anything without worrying about whether or not I was better or outdoing anyone, I just want to live my life without having to be dumber than everyone else. I want to be me, who thinks about things deeper than what I have been, who notices how people are really doing and acts on it. Who doesn't screw things up with the only person who means so much to me at this moment!! Who can sing at the top of her lungs without the fear of other people telling her that shes not at just the right pitch to sing as loud as everyone else, the old Jess would never let that hold her back! I just want people to accept the fact that I do have energetic moments, when I am on a natural high on life, but then I do have deep moments, where I like to recluse and think, and the only way that I will interact to people is if they talk to me first. Solitude is the only way to remind me that competition is stupid, that we can't compete for the best life, the worst life, the most humble, the most giving, the most 'up themselves'! We are what we are. We are what God made us to be. It doesn't matter if someones better than you, worse than you, etc. Yeah. I don't really know what I was trying to say.
I know it is the weirdest source for a quote but the movie "camp rock" came up with this one: "It's not all about your image. None of it means anything unless people see who you really are" yeah.... I do hope that I continue to show the world who I really am, that I can be the person I am in solitude with other people as well, that I can show the world the real me, but if it doesn't happen, I won't be surprised, and keep this in mind, for those who actually read this ( i would be surprised if there was anyone!)
yeah....
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
few updates
Dear Blog,
Today I did this and said that and made this private joke and generally my grammar was terrible and I got myself into a situation with no dramatic tension or character arcs and I guess you had to be there.....
But yeah. I am paying out blogs in general because some of the ones that I have read recently are just a complilation of 'I did this' and 'I did that' and 'I wish that......' and 'oh my life is so terrible'. Don't get me wrong. I've written stuff like this but am now coming to the dramatic conclusion that stuff like that should be kept in a personal journal or notebook hidden away, just read by you!!
Anyway....
I'm just finishing day two of limited to none chocolate and chocolate flavoured things. So for two days now i have not had chocolate or chocolate milk, I have limited myself to one glass of iced coffee a day... and well yeah. I am doing this partially because of the unethical production of chocolate and the unethical harvest of cocoa beans. and also partially because of my blood sugar level and because I need to get my consumption of chocolate and sugar down. But yeah, going well so far. I haven't actually wanted to eat any for most of the time. And I noticed that most of the things being sold at the refectory at uni are chocolate or contain it. Which i'm a bit annoyed at but thats ok... it will also limit my spending in that case as I want to limit my spending and get my budget and finances well under control. So I have removed temptation to not going into shops, only buying the essentials for myself, but mum buys the food and groceries and so yeah...
I made an agreement with myself that I was going to try and not watch television for as long as possible.. this has also been working for two days with the exception of meal times to which there is a tv in the same area so of course i can hear it and see it out of the corner of my eye! I still have been using music and the radio but I just don't see the need to waste time in front of a lit up screen watching boring programs that are on just because it makes money. Anyway.... enough of my ranting and justifying why i'm doing it, because I really shouldn't have to!! This I hope will continue for as long as I can. As I am determined at this stage to continue.
Cheerio
Jess
Today I did this and said that and made this private joke and generally my grammar was terrible and I got myself into a situation with no dramatic tension or character arcs and I guess you had to be there.....
But yeah. I am paying out blogs in general because some of the ones that I have read recently are just a complilation of 'I did this' and 'I did that' and 'I wish that......' and 'oh my life is so terrible'. Don't get me wrong. I've written stuff like this but am now coming to the dramatic conclusion that stuff like that should be kept in a personal journal or notebook hidden away, just read by you!!
Anyway....
I'm just finishing day two of limited to none chocolate and chocolate flavoured things. So for two days now i have not had chocolate or chocolate milk, I have limited myself to one glass of iced coffee a day... and well yeah. I am doing this partially because of the unethical production of chocolate and the unethical harvest of cocoa beans. and also partially because of my blood sugar level and because I need to get my consumption of chocolate and sugar down. But yeah, going well so far. I haven't actually wanted to eat any for most of the time. And I noticed that most of the things being sold at the refectory at uni are chocolate or contain it. Which i'm a bit annoyed at but thats ok... it will also limit my spending in that case as I want to limit my spending and get my budget and finances well under control. So I have removed temptation to not going into shops, only buying the essentials for myself, but mum buys the food and groceries and so yeah...
I made an agreement with myself that I was going to try and not watch television for as long as possible.. this has also been working for two days with the exception of meal times to which there is a tv in the same area so of course i can hear it and see it out of the corner of my eye! I still have been using music and the radio but I just don't see the need to waste time in front of a lit up screen watching boring programs that are on just because it makes money. Anyway.... enough of my ranting and justifying why i'm doing it, because I really shouldn't have to!! This I hope will continue for as long as I can. As I am determined at this stage to continue.
Cheerio
Jess
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Various topics
Yeah.
I dunno.
I feel like crying right now, but don't really have a reason other than my day didn't go the way I'd have liked it to go. We were assigned groups for our major assignment, and it wasn't exactly the group I'd have hoped for, but I hope it will work! And I think I was missing a friend of mine because I could not remember a day at tabor where I did not have that friend there. I just felt out of the loop on everything. I just felt like I could not talk to anyone and that they would create meaningful and substantial conversation and discussion. I felt like I had this superficial relationship between me and everyone else in the lecture rooms. Although, these lectures today provided my brain with some journalling exercises. That was pretty much it! I think its just best now if I don't assume anything or have any sort of expectations of what the day will bring because I always end up dissappointed at these things and its frickin frustrating! I know I should take other peoples advice and just NOT overthink but I cannot help it. Its part of me and who I am, and sometimes I love it because its part of me, just the odd time I don't love it! It provides me with substance so that I don't feel like a superficial version of myself, one of the clones I sometimes feel as if I live around (not going off at anyone in particular, I promise). I NEED SUBSTANCE! I (sometimes) DON'T NEED FORM! yeah. It keeps my mind in check to make sure its still there! Though it may take me longer to think through an answer and I don't think I can answer any question off the top of my head (in situations like lectures or the like) I need time to think about it and would prefer to write it down rather than speak it out. Yeah. I dunno what is happening. I have noticed myself shaking a lot more than usual, which is weird, I don't know what that means.
I went out to dinner with a couple of youth work friends. I had a great time, the conversation with most were good. Though, I didn't get to talk to some people to which I would've really liked to have talked to just about how life was going and stuff like that, because I felt like i haven't talked to them in ages, well not properly and when I can't have a meaningful conversation with people I get annoyed at myself mostly.
thats all for now I think
Cheerio (which is NOT from Postman Pat)
Jess
I dunno.
I feel like crying right now, but don't really have a reason other than my day didn't go the way I'd have liked it to go. We were assigned groups for our major assignment, and it wasn't exactly the group I'd have hoped for, but I hope it will work! And I think I was missing a friend of mine because I could not remember a day at tabor where I did not have that friend there. I just felt out of the loop on everything. I just felt like I could not talk to anyone and that they would create meaningful and substantial conversation and discussion. I felt like I had this superficial relationship between me and everyone else in the lecture rooms. Although, these lectures today provided my brain with some journalling exercises. That was pretty much it! I think its just best now if I don't assume anything or have any sort of expectations of what the day will bring because I always end up dissappointed at these things and its frickin frustrating! I know I should take other peoples advice and just NOT overthink but I cannot help it. Its part of me and who I am, and sometimes I love it because its part of me, just the odd time I don't love it! It provides me with substance so that I don't feel like a superficial version of myself, one of the clones I sometimes feel as if I live around (not going off at anyone in particular, I promise). I NEED SUBSTANCE! I (sometimes) DON'T NEED FORM! yeah. It keeps my mind in check to make sure its still there! Though it may take me longer to think through an answer and I don't think I can answer any question off the top of my head (in situations like lectures or the like) I need time to think about it and would prefer to write it down rather than speak it out. Yeah. I dunno what is happening. I have noticed myself shaking a lot more than usual, which is weird, I don't know what that means.
I went out to dinner with a couple of youth work friends. I had a great time, the conversation with most were good. Though, I didn't get to talk to some people to which I would've really liked to have talked to just about how life was going and stuff like that, because I felt like i haven't talked to them in ages, well not properly and when I can't have a meaningful conversation with people I get annoyed at myself mostly.
thats all for now I think
Cheerio (which is NOT from Postman Pat)
Jess
Monday, July 14, 2008
Thoughts of the 15th July, 2008
Reading a book called 'Blue Like Jazz', as a friend suggested it, and so I bought the book and have started reading it the other day. Even though I am not yet half way through. It has been a thrilling journey so far, with it enticing me to think as ever before and to write my own reflections on it in my journey and to read more as it stimulates my brain and my senses. I thank you, my friend, for suggesting this book. I have no favourite chapter as yet, all of them have been really interesting and intriguing.
Really I had no reason to post this but to keep myself updated and felt as if I could so I would.
"Take time to dance alone, one hand free to wave in the air"
I realised why I like to drive fast on dirt roads, well when its safe to do so: I like the feeling and the look of the dust rising and then settling back again, never in the same place twice. I also like the feeling of freedom, where there is nothing around you, but paddocks and trees and space, LOTS of SPACE! Not crowded, trying to fill up every square inch of ground and air with a building or some sort of man made structure. But surrounding you, whizzing past you is nature, God's creation, which I think is just lovely. I can't help but to smile just thinking about it. I would love to have just a picnic or something in one of those fields or paddocks. Laughing and eating and running around and sitting down and laying down on the picnic rug and the ground. That is my idea of peaceful bliss.
So far these holidays I have seemed like not doing much! working, sitting around, updating my CV and applying for jobs (I probably won't get, but hopefully will), going shopping, going on youth work retreat, talking to people, missing people who have left Adelaide for a little while. Many friends have decided to go on holidays or go outside of the state for a couple of weeks. And they all seem to be getting back on the 24th. Which is a couple of days before my birthday, so they might not want to celebrate my birthday with me! Well, at least I'm partially excited by the prospect of my birthday, even though it does involve spending money but it means that I'm a year older. Anyway.
Went to the zoo the other day. Well we were pretty much all hyped up for the experience, but then we walked in and pretty much went 'wow, this is a bit of a let down', but then it got more entertaining even though I ran outta energy about half way through the day. I swear the people at the zoo were more interesting that the zoo itself! well, the kid running behind us screaming out something like "MEERKATS, MEERKATS!". To which I started cracking up laughing, I started crying! The people I went with were rather amused by my laughing but a bit weirded out! Then came the monkey that opened it mouth and had funny eyebrows whenever someone squealed. It was really funny and got me to tears again. The girls standing in front of me were squealing the entire time trying to get this monkey to react! It seemed like the monkeys were the highlight of the day. Because we got to the Orangutans and one of them climbed up the giant post that was there and then swung around and looked at me. It was quite funny, I stood there for what seem like the longest time and then walked away with a smile on my face! But yeah, was a good day overall. Even though by the time I left the city, after going to buy some books and getting tea and doughnuts and subway, it was dark and I had to catch the tram!
Yeah I guess thats all!
Cheerio
Jess
Really I had no reason to post this but to keep myself updated and felt as if I could so I would.
"Take time to dance alone, one hand free to wave in the air"
I realised why I like to drive fast on dirt roads, well when its safe to do so: I like the feeling and the look of the dust rising and then settling back again, never in the same place twice. I also like the feeling of freedom, where there is nothing around you, but paddocks and trees and space, LOTS of SPACE! Not crowded, trying to fill up every square inch of ground and air with a building or some sort of man made structure. But surrounding you, whizzing past you is nature, God's creation, which I think is just lovely. I can't help but to smile just thinking about it. I would love to have just a picnic or something in one of those fields or paddocks. Laughing and eating and running around and sitting down and laying down on the picnic rug and the ground. That is my idea of peaceful bliss.
So far these holidays I have seemed like not doing much! working, sitting around, updating my CV and applying for jobs (I probably won't get, but hopefully will), going shopping, going on youth work retreat, talking to people, missing people who have left Adelaide for a little while. Many friends have decided to go on holidays or go outside of the state for a couple of weeks. And they all seem to be getting back on the 24th. Which is a couple of days before my birthday, so they might not want to celebrate my birthday with me! Well, at least I'm partially excited by the prospect of my birthday, even though it does involve spending money but it means that I'm a year older. Anyway.
Went to the zoo the other day. Well we were pretty much all hyped up for the experience, but then we walked in and pretty much went 'wow, this is a bit of a let down', but then it got more entertaining even though I ran outta energy about half way through the day. I swear the people at the zoo were more interesting that the zoo itself! well, the kid running behind us screaming out something like "MEERKATS, MEERKATS!". To which I started cracking up laughing, I started crying! The people I went with were rather amused by my laughing but a bit weirded out! Then came the monkey that opened it mouth and had funny eyebrows whenever someone squealed. It was really funny and got me to tears again. The girls standing in front of me were squealing the entire time trying to get this monkey to react! It seemed like the monkeys were the highlight of the day. Because we got to the Orangutans and one of them climbed up the giant post that was there and then swung around and looked at me. It was quite funny, I stood there for what seem like the longest time and then walked away with a smile on my face! But yeah, was a good day overall. Even though by the time I left the city, after going to buy some books and getting tea and doughnuts and subway, it was dark and I had to catch the tram!
Yeah I guess thats all!
Cheerio
Jess
Saturday, July 12, 2008
New Post - Partial Reflection from Youth Work Retreat
Thought as I'd posted a whole bunch of old stuff off of myspace on here. I'd actually bother to write something new on here and something original!
so here goes. I don't completely know what to write, and as I've said often enough before, I would be surprsed if anyone actually took the time to read this, let alone comment on this! so yeah....
I have been saying for ages that I have to write something in reflection of youth work retreat, but I don't think I have anything to say and the only things I have got are many photos with many more to come (hopefully) and many great (and some not so great) memories of the time away! I got to know so many more people so much better than I would have if I had not gone. Some of the people that went became the people in which I leant on in the darkest and the lightest parts of the retreat, who I opened myself up most to, and told the most to, and tended to hug the most. I felt extremely loved that weekend, not only by God but extremely accepted by the people around me.
One particular memory that will stay with me for hopefully a longer time yet, is on one night before dinner, I was writing in my notebook as I do, and I had been almost hyperactive the entire day, but then lost energy and felt rather down and rather needing to cry, so I told a friend that I was going to go on a walk and to my surprise they asked if they could come with. To which, to my surprise, I said yes, so we grabbed a soccer ball and went out walking, I walked in one direction, but then this friend said they didn't want to go toward the people that were in the near distance, so we ended up walking up to the furthest barrier of the campsite and then back, talking about pretty much everything under the sun. I felt thankful that they were there walking beside me, and thankful for the company and the conversation, even though I would've loved to have just walked, listening to music, and been able to cry, but this walk and this conversation was somehow equal to that, and that walk was calming and took my mind off what was bothering me, and let me get it out. I think that friend also felt thankful for that opportunity (well at least I hope they did!). I was so grateful for the hugs and the talks and walks with this particular person!
I also am grateful for the turns about the court with another particular friend, who I felt I could share most things with and they would be there encouragingly! They were able to give me encouragements to share at dead poets, when I did and was able to share a part of myself with others, when usually I would take a back seat!
I could not help but smile one night when I finally got to bed! I was talkin to God and this wave of happiness and smiliness just came over me! It was quite wonderful. I can't exactly remember what I was saying, I can a little bit, but it just made me happy but to think of experiences and past emotions and the good times over the past couple of days!
I can remember taking the longest route possible to get to Tanunda for our wine tasting day and then finding a much shorter road back! all the way there, a friend singing over and over something along the lines of "we're goin to the barossa, we're goin to the barossa", and then on the way back singing "we're all in this together" and the rest of the song by Ben Lee, making up a kind of a dance to it as well, which we then repeated as it got played by the musos organizing the worship (music worship) session (had to define that as I believe that the whole retreat was a time of worship and that we didn't need a certain time for worship). I had an amazing time on the Barossa wine tasting trip, another great memory was when we went into Stanley Lambert wines, in which two friends of mine decided to see how many times they could use my name in that winery. One of them even introducing me to the lady selling the wines and leading people through wine tasting with my last name, which got her asking if i was related to the owners of the winery. Yeah, it was a bit embarrassing.... but i got over it and still managed to have a good time! And because I was the self confessed bit of a wine connoisiuer (or however you spell it) I pointed out good wineries and good wines and grape varieties from whichever winery we were at! I led one of my friends in what to taste and they agreed to try those wines, although I was aware that they weren't a real wine (alcohol) person, so I tried not to subject them to much! One of my friends, who I wouldn't have thought it, actually rather liked wine compared to other alcoholic beverages, although I wouldn't have taken them for that preference and would've thought they were more of a beer person! Yeah... twas a good day
Another memory I have from retreat was the dancing lessons that we partook in the night I was feeling rather down. It started with me trying to teach a friend to spin, and then us both going into interpretive dance, to other friends coming in and then one of them teaching the rest of us to do pirouettes and ballet turns, to us all doing interpretive dance, to us learning how to ballroom and salsa dance. to even more people getting involved and us just putting on music and dancing. Ever through this, the people sitting around the bonfire were watching us, as it was like Big Brother (in some ways). This was rather weird as I only found about this later after the dancing had ended!
Dead poets was quite fun!
Will write more later.
Getting rather late and I kind of want to get to bed and finish reading Anne of Green Gables!
Cheerio (and no I did not get this off of Postman Pat)
Jess
so here goes. I don't completely know what to write, and as I've said often enough before, I would be surprsed if anyone actually took the time to read this, let alone comment on this! so yeah....
I have been saying for ages that I have to write something in reflection of youth work retreat, but I don't think I have anything to say and the only things I have got are many photos with many more to come (hopefully) and many great (and some not so great) memories of the time away! I got to know so many more people so much better than I would have if I had not gone. Some of the people that went became the people in which I leant on in the darkest and the lightest parts of the retreat, who I opened myself up most to, and told the most to, and tended to hug the most. I felt extremely loved that weekend, not only by God but extremely accepted by the people around me.
One particular memory that will stay with me for hopefully a longer time yet, is on one night before dinner, I was writing in my notebook as I do, and I had been almost hyperactive the entire day, but then lost energy and felt rather down and rather needing to cry, so I told a friend that I was going to go on a walk and to my surprise they asked if they could come with. To which, to my surprise, I said yes, so we grabbed a soccer ball and went out walking, I walked in one direction, but then this friend said they didn't want to go toward the people that were in the near distance, so we ended up walking up to the furthest barrier of the campsite and then back, talking about pretty much everything under the sun. I felt thankful that they were there walking beside me, and thankful for the company and the conversation, even though I would've loved to have just walked, listening to music, and been able to cry, but this walk and this conversation was somehow equal to that, and that walk was calming and took my mind off what was bothering me, and let me get it out. I think that friend also felt thankful for that opportunity (well at least I hope they did!). I was so grateful for the hugs and the talks and walks with this particular person!
I also am grateful for the turns about the court with another particular friend, who I felt I could share most things with and they would be there encouragingly! They were able to give me encouragements to share at dead poets, when I did and was able to share a part of myself with others, when usually I would take a back seat!
I could not help but smile one night when I finally got to bed! I was talkin to God and this wave of happiness and smiliness just came over me! It was quite wonderful. I can't exactly remember what I was saying, I can a little bit, but it just made me happy but to think of experiences and past emotions and the good times over the past couple of days!
I can remember taking the longest route possible to get to Tanunda for our wine tasting day and then finding a much shorter road back! all the way there, a friend singing over and over something along the lines of "we're goin to the barossa, we're goin to the barossa", and then on the way back singing "we're all in this together" and the rest of the song by Ben Lee, making up a kind of a dance to it as well, which we then repeated as it got played by the musos organizing the worship (music worship) session (had to define that as I believe that the whole retreat was a time of worship and that we didn't need a certain time for worship). I had an amazing time on the Barossa wine tasting trip, another great memory was when we went into Stanley Lambert wines, in which two friends of mine decided to see how many times they could use my name in that winery. One of them even introducing me to the lady selling the wines and leading people through wine tasting with my last name, which got her asking if i was related to the owners of the winery. Yeah, it was a bit embarrassing.... but i got over it and still managed to have a good time! And because I was the self confessed bit of a wine connoisiuer (or however you spell it) I pointed out good wineries and good wines and grape varieties from whichever winery we were at! I led one of my friends in what to taste and they agreed to try those wines, although I was aware that they weren't a real wine (alcohol) person, so I tried not to subject them to much! One of my friends, who I wouldn't have thought it, actually rather liked wine compared to other alcoholic beverages, although I wouldn't have taken them for that preference and would've thought they were more of a beer person! Yeah... twas a good day
Another memory I have from retreat was the dancing lessons that we partook in the night I was feeling rather down. It started with me trying to teach a friend to spin, and then us both going into interpretive dance, to other friends coming in and then one of them teaching the rest of us to do pirouettes and ballet turns, to us all doing interpretive dance, to us learning how to ballroom and salsa dance. to even more people getting involved and us just putting on music and dancing. Ever through this, the people sitting around the bonfire were watching us, as it was like Big Brother (in some ways). This was rather weird as I only found about this later after the dancing had ended!
Dead poets was quite fun!
Will write more later.
Getting rather late and I kind of want to get to bed and finish reading Anne of Green Gables!
Cheerio (and no I did not get this off of Postman Pat)
Jess
Sunday, June 29, 2008
As I dabble in some poetry...
These are some poetry that I wrote while I was on Youth Work Retreat. These were written at various silent times over the four days.....
Untitled
I want to change directions
not happy with where I'm going
but as I see it
no turning lane,
no u-turns
no reverse gear.
I know I should be happy where I am
but I just can't help looking over
to those on the road I want to be on
and wish i was travelling with them
singing along with them
having the fun and memories they make
Part of me wants to go the same way
to fit in, have fun, to be popular
but then part of me wants to be my own person
part of me wants to travel my own journey,
go on the road less travelled.
Explore, Create, Enjoy
But then reality hits and I go back to being me
the me that thinks too much
the me that has faults
I retreat into this world inside my head
inside the pages of this book.
and I wish I wouldn't think anymore
Wishes.....
I wish for truly honest conversation
I wish for discovery
I wish for the presence
I wish for patience
I wish for freedom
I wish to just be
I wish for inspiration
I wish for imagination
I wish for appreciation
I wish for relaxation
I wish for individuality
I wish to live in the moment,
not in the past or the future
I wish for time
I wish for memories
I wish for enjoyment
I wish for contentment
I wish for adventures
I wish for creativity
I wish for more wishes!!
Who?
Who am I?
Who are you?
Be who you are?
Be who I am?
Be who I want you to be?
Be some fictional character
I made up
Just be?
Be quirky?
Be individual?
Be liked?
Are they the same?
What is the goal of my life?
What is the goal of yours?
Are they the same?
They don't match!
Tell the truth?
Tell the world's version of the truth?
Tell it sugar coated?
Open up?
How far open?
How much do i show,
Before I get hurt?
Simple
Living. Breathing. Blinking. Walking. Moving. Travelling. Talking. Thinking. Relating.
Untitled
Nobody cares when I'm not there
It seems they've just forgotten
I worry and I wonder
I fluster and I ponder
the fact that I'm hardly there
I'm a ghost, I'm a mime
I'm not wanting anyone's time,
I've come to not expect it
as I feel I'll be rejected
If I show people who I really am.
I'm scared they'll think its just a scam
I want to scream, I want to yell,
I want to dance, I want to tell
I want to break out of this sound proof box
I want to live my life without all these locks
Though, this weekend has been different
Its been freeing, though I've been distant
I've learned I'm accepted within this group
I've learnt that I can break down this box that is sound proof
I've found comfort, I've found hugs.
I've found the wishes have come true
Though at times I'm scared to embrace,
I want, I wish, I hope, I pray for it to continue.
yeah. just thought I'd share part of the weekend that I still can't find the appropriate words to describe!!
I just want to thank anyone who reads this who went to retreat and just to thank them for making my time on retreat so much better, and just making retreat what it was!!
Jess
Untitled
I want to change directions
not happy with where I'm going
but as I see it
no turning lane,
no u-turns
no reverse gear.
I know I should be happy where I am
but I just can't help looking over
to those on the road I want to be on
and wish i was travelling with them
singing along with them
having the fun and memories they make
Part of me wants to go the same way
to fit in, have fun, to be popular
but then part of me wants to be my own person
part of me wants to travel my own journey,
go on the road less travelled.
Explore, Create, Enjoy
But then reality hits and I go back to being me
the me that thinks too much
the me that has faults
I retreat into this world inside my head
inside the pages of this book.
and I wish I wouldn't think anymore
Wishes.....
I wish for truly honest conversation
I wish for discovery
I wish for the presence
I wish for patience
I wish for freedom
I wish to just be
I wish for inspiration
I wish for imagination
I wish for appreciation
I wish for relaxation
I wish for individuality
I wish to live in the moment,
not in the past or the future
I wish for time
I wish for memories
I wish for enjoyment
I wish for contentment
I wish for adventures
I wish for creativity
I wish for more wishes!!
Who?
Who am I?
Who are you?
Be who you are?
Be who I am?
Be who I want you to be?
Be some fictional character
I made up
Just be?
Be quirky?
Be individual?
Be liked?
Are they the same?
What is the goal of my life?
What is the goal of yours?
Are they the same?
They don't match!
Tell the truth?
Tell the world's version of the truth?
Tell it sugar coated?
Open up?
How far open?
How much do i show,
Before I get hurt?
Simple
Living. Breathing. Blinking. Walking. Moving. Travelling. Talking. Thinking. Relating.
Untitled
Nobody cares when I'm not there
It seems they've just forgotten
I worry and I wonder
I fluster and I ponder
the fact that I'm hardly there
I'm a ghost, I'm a mime
I'm not wanting anyone's time,
I've come to not expect it
as I feel I'll be rejected
If I show people who I really am.
I'm scared they'll think its just a scam
I want to scream, I want to yell,
I want to dance, I want to tell
I want to break out of this sound proof box
I want to live my life without all these locks
Though, this weekend has been different
Its been freeing, though I've been distant
I've learned I'm accepted within this group
I've learnt that I can break down this box that is sound proof
I've found comfort, I've found hugs.
I've found the wishes have come true
Though at times I'm scared to embrace,
I want, I wish, I hope, I pray for it to continue.
yeah. just thought I'd share part of the weekend that I still can't find the appropriate words to describe!!
I just want to thank anyone who reads this who went to retreat and just to thank them for making my time on retreat so much better, and just making retreat what it was!!
Jess
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Just a couple of thoughts from a while back!
Just a couple of thoughts!
This is just a couple of thoughts and questions that I have wondered about over the past week or two.
The last couple of weeks at church, there have been sermons that have raised questions for me.
One week we got onto the topic of injustice in both biblical times and now. These are just some of the thoughts and questions I wrote down during that sermon.
Justice vs. Injustice?
Where do we go? where do we go to find these people and follow Him? How far do we go? (We don't have to go very far to find the homeless and the disadvantaged)
The people in biblical times risked themselves totally. What are we going to do? What I am going to do? How far do we go?
The week after that, the congregation looked at Acts 1:1 - 8, we were told to be encouraged to speak about Jesus, and about being a good role model and a good witness to Jesus. Though, I thought about it, how do I speak about Jesus at work at Target? I don't have the confidence, I don't have the knowledge enough of how to speak to people about Jesus, and I don't want to seem too overbearing. How does it just come up within a minute worth of me swiping barcodes and putting stuff in a bag and asking for flybuys and receiving money. yeah. i just don't get it.
I don't want to seem overbearing to anyone. Although it seems to me that I have been, to at least one friend. I've asked them to come to so many social occasions, and to help me for so many things, it seems like I have been overbearing. I have spoken to them most days, I surely must be getting rather annoying!!
Thats all from me for now
Cheerio
Jess
This is just a couple of thoughts and questions that I have wondered about over the past week or two.
The last couple of weeks at church, there have been sermons that have raised questions for me.
One week we got onto the topic of injustice in both biblical times and now. These are just some of the thoughts and questions I wrote down during that sermon.
Justice vs. Injustice?
Where do we go? where do we go to find these people and follow Him? How far do we go? (We don't have to go very far to find the homeless and the disadvantaged)
The people in biblical times risked themselves totally. What are we going to do? What I am going to do? How far do we go?
The week after that, the congregation looked at Acts 1:1 - 8, we were told to be encouraged to speak about Jesus, and about being a good role model and a good witness to Jesus. Though, I thought about it, how do I speak about Jesus at work at Target? I don't have the confidence, I don't have the knowledge enough of how to speak to people about Jesus, and I don't want to seem too overbearing. How does it just come up within a minute worth of me swiping barcodes and putting stuff in a bag and asking for flybuys and receiving money. yeah. i just don't get it.
I don't want to seem overbearing to anyone. Although it seems to me that I have been, to at least one friend. I've asked them to come to so many social occasions, and to help me for so many things, it seems like I have been overbearing. I have spoken to them most days, I surely must be getting rather annoying!!
Thats all from me for now
Cheerio
Jess
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Thoughts and happenings of Saturday, April 12, 2008
I might regret this later, but at the moment I couldn't be stuffed!! Tonight I went to the video store with a couple of friends of mine. I walked in with happiness bubbling inside of me, and a good laugh just waiting to come out, but came out incredibly angry, wanting to hit something. I don't think it would've mattered who or what it was. I knew I needed to get out of there, and go home, but my acquaintances, well friends, I guess, spent one hour in the store looking at every aisle of both dvds and videos just to choose two dvds in the end. We were also looking around the dvds and videos looking for ideas of 90's characters we could dress up as. It was this, some of their ideas, that made me quite mad. Now, I don't get mad very often (well becoming more and more frequent), and I have never been mad at this one particular person before, so I felt it was quite strange that I suddenly wanted to hit her and her 'friends'. So, yeah, I kept my distance from them the rest of the time that they looked at dvds, and I looked at playstation games, and some of the classic movies (which I found quite amusing, once I came upon the grapes of wrath movie), then didn't talk at all in the car ride home, and then stayed in another room when we got back to their house, and then once they'd gone back out to get pizza, I went home, though i don't think actually told them i was leaving, and that i wouldn't be home when they got home. Yeah. Its the first real time in a long time that I have had this well of anger build up inside of me, this time very quickly. It was weird. I feel rather bad about it, I'm rather ashamed of the tears that were shed afterwards, and the names I might have called my friends and acquaintances afterwards, and rather ashamed of the road rage I experienced on the way home. I just don't know why this occurred. I guess I just was trying really hard, I guess too hard, to be friends and get in the 'gang' of this one particular friend, and got angry because her other friends have got so much history with her, and I guess I just want them to forget this history, I mean, the only reason i know what they're talkin about half the time is because I've seen photos of them all out and about, or dressed up at Flinders Christians or Mid Year Conference or various parties of friends before I knew them. I mean I wish people would just stop talking about one of my friends AMAZING 21st birthdays, to which was put .. I knew her, and its really annoying, and several dress up opportunities like the drug lords themed night for mid year conference or something (i don't even know that much) Yeah. I mean, if they want me as a friend, they're gonna have to make room for me, coz its not in my nature to just barge my way in to social circles and social situations. Its confronting and annoying and i guess, infuriating. Thats all for now. Looking forward to tomorrow.
Cheerio
Jess
Cheerio
Jess
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Reflection on lectures and class
As I was sitting in my counselling skills tutorial today, people were talking about their family of origin, and how they influenced their expectations on what their highest level of education and acheivement and goals were going to be. Of the people that were talking, all of the parents that they were referring to hadn't finished high school, and never went to uni, and from my opinion, would still be classified as middle class families, one of them, both parents were unemployed and uneducated (as far as tertiary education, and in parts secondary education goes), so yeah. it got me thinking that I was pretty lucky, both my parents finished year 12, had some sort of tertiary education level, and had steady employment. It got me thinking that if we were distinguishing class level by this point, then I would be considered of a higher class than the people that were speaking. Don't mean to put myself above, or its not that i consider myself any better than them, just that socially, and sociologically, I would probably be of a higher class, which made me feel bad, surprisingly, because I knew that, if this was the example of the table and the floor, then i would be at the table, and thats not necessarily a place i want to be. Because of this thought and this reflection, I somehow looked down on the other people there, but admired them at the same time, which was slightly weird. yeah. i cannot describe it. Don't mean to sound 'up myself' but i actually quite liked the feeling of being one up on someone, which i guess is quite selfish of me, and i shouldn't feel that, because I'm going to be working with young people that are going to have circumstances worse than mine. Am I going to feel good because of this?? Am i going to look down upon them because of this??
yeah... I also realised that I'm actually an extrovert, that has just learnt to become introverted, and that i actually get quite defensive when someone is in conflict with me, or i am being attacked.
yeah. i guess thats it for now
Cheerio
Jess
yeah... I also realised that I'm actually an extrovert, that has just learnt to become introverted, and that i actually get quite defensive when someone is in conflict with me, or i am being attacked.
yeah. i guess thats it for now
Cheerio
Jess
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Crazy Little Thing Called Love
I think Queen were right with their song, "crazy little thing called love", well at least with the title of the song. Love is crazy.
According to the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4-13, "love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...
.... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love"
Love: a word that doesn't make sense, and even when you experience it, it doesn't make sense.
There are so many things that happen, so many feelings and sensations that are new when someone is in love, an agape love.
Quite a few of my friends have been talking about early love, beginning relationships, ending relationships, having crushes, etc. I mean, I could well be one of those people, but I'm not, well I'm in two minds about it, because I've never been on this situation before. I feel as if there is a big balloon of happiness inside of me, about to burst, everytime I see or hear or think of him, I seem to smile, though I know that I will never be brave enough to do anything about it, so it will never exist, whatever it is.
Because I've never felt this before, I feel as if I'm missing out, when even people that are younger than me are talking of it and feeling it. I wish I could! I wish it was something more than a crush, or at another level, unrequited love.
I figured out about a month ago that I realised that i wasn't truly living. I was sitting, waiting, wishing life had begun. When others were out running that race, I was still figuring out where the start line was. I was wishing that things that happen to other people would happen to me! I don't know how powerful love it as I have never felt it before! I asked myself the question "whats life without living?" and even now I ask that same question, although adding the question "whats life without love?". This i seriously cannot answer.
I know we are called to be in relationship with each other, as we are called to be in relationship with God. So, as hard as it is, I am trying, to give over this will for my life and my love life to God, and sometimes I just wish I could handle it all over to him, but each day, I'm tempted to take it into my own hands, and say something, something that I'll probably regret. But I am in relationship with God, for that I am thankful, and I love God, so that I guess I am going to have to be thankful for that, and wait for my time to come, to experience love and intimacy in a human relationship.
I know my talk of love is getting rather annoying, boring or frustrating, or a combination, or all three, but its something that I want more than anything else at this moment. Well, that and to strengthen my relationship with God, as I ever do.
Cheerio
Jess
According to the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4-13, "love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...
.... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love"
Love: a word that doesn't make sense, and even when you experience it, it doesn't make sense.
There are so many things that happen, so many feelings and sensations that are new when someone is in love, an agape love.
Quite a few of my friends have been talking about early love, beginning relationships, ending relationships, having crushes, etc. I mean, I could well be one of those people, but I'm not, well I'm in two minds about it, because I've never been on this situation before. I feel as if there is a big balloon of happiness inside of me, about to burst, everytime I see or hear or think of him, I seem to smile, though I know that I will never be brave enough to do anything about it, so it will never exist, whatever it is.
Because I've never felt this before, I feel as if I'm missing out, when even people that are younger than me are talking of it and feeling it. I wish I could! I wish it was something more than a crush, or at another level, unrequited love.
I figured out about a month ago that I realised that i wasn't truly living. I was sitting, waiting, wishing life had begun. When others were out running that race, I was still figuring out where the start line was. I was wishing that things that happen to other people would happen to me! I don't know how powerful love it as I have never felt it before! I asked myself the question "whats life without living?" and even now I ask that same question, although adding the question "whats life without love?". This i seriously cannot answer.
I know we are called to be in relationship with each other, as we are called to be in relationship with God. So, as hard as it is, I am trying, to give over this will for my life and my love life to God, and sometimes I just wish I could handle it all over to him, but each day, I'm tempted to take it into my own hands, and say something, something that I'll probably regret. But I am in relationship with God, for that I am thankful, and I love God, so that I guess I am going to have to be thankful for that, and wait for my time to come, to experience love and intimacy in a human relationship.
I know my talk of love is getting rather annoying, boring or frustrating, or a combination, or all three, but its something that I want more than anything else at this moment. Well, that and to strengthen my relationship with God, as I ever do.
Cheerio
Jess
Friday, March 14, 2008
Various thoughts about love and lyrics
I know no one will read this.
and this is the reason I'm writing it here, and not on myspace or facebook, or any of the other strange blog sites, where people know I'm using this. If you are reading this, don't ask questions, or bug me about this. Though, you can if you want.
Lyrics i wrote while i was on the balcony, enjoying the breeze, though the hot weather was a bit of a bummer.
anyway.
You always come first.
You always come first.
You always come first in my life.
You're the first one I tell about anything and everyone I care about, everything thats going wrong, everything thats going right.
You're the first person I think about in the morning, the last before I sleep.
I can't stop thinking about you, my heart beats faster and slower when I see you,
wish I could stop it, its getting too hard to make it go unnoticed.
I think I may have done the wrong thing.
I think I may have fallen for someone.
Someone I know that won't catch me.
Someone that won't fall as well.
Sorry I just watched this romantic comedy and it always gets me!!
And the lyrics above were a mixture of two songs... the first one about God, and the second about someone else.
and this is the reason I'm writing it here, and not on myspace or facebook, or any of the other strange blog sites, where people know I'm using this. If you are reading this, don't ask questions, or bug me about this. Though, you can if you want.
Lyrics i wrote while i was on the balcony, enjoying the breeze, though the hot weather was a bit of a bummer.
anyway.
You always come first.
You always come first.
You always come first in my life.
You're the first one I tell about anything and everyone I care about, everything thats going wrong, everything thats going right.
You're the first person I think about in the morning, the last before I sleep.
I can't stop thinking about you, my heart beats faster and slower when I see you,
wish I could stop it, its getting too hard to make it go unnoticed.
I think I may have done the wrong thing.
I think I may have fallen for someone.
Someone I know that won't catch me.
Someone that won't fall as well.
Sorry I just watched this romantic comedy and it always gets me!!
And the lyrics above were a mixture of two songs... the first one about God, and the second about someone else.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Some thoughts and annoyances about things
I don't really know why I'm writing this. Maybe just to get it off my chest. I don't believe that this will actually be read by anyone other than myself so yeah. but in light of that someone may read it, so i won't use names, or specifics. I know this is sounding like it will just be a whole lot of rambling about annoyances and bitchiness about certain people i tend to dislike at the moment, though its not, its more about various people's views and outlooks, and certain things in society, and within the society that I reside in, and occasionally the thoughts that I have surrounding certain issues, to which i feel helpless and powerless, and can do nothing but pray about these things and that God will listen, and has been and is and will be working to help these issues and make them right in his view, and so that his image for the world will be as right as it can be with sin still in this world and contaminating it. But anyway, I'm certainly getting off topic.Where to start, where to start? I know. Recently, quite a bit has been frustrating and annoying me and making me quite angry, to tell the truth. Some people and their actions towards things that have been offered up to them to be something that will help them, not only personally, but also academically, they seem to be just making a complete joke about it, mocking it and refusing to participate, because apparently its against what they believe in! (I think I'm merging two problems together). They are both within the area that I am studying in, though two different topics.
Another topic of annoyances is the constant closed-mindedness of people around me, that refuse to do things because it contradicts their "religion" and their beliefs. Who could've thought that a whispered prayer to a worry doll for instance could spark so much controversy?? and people will not bare to listen to the argument that this is a new experience and just because they see it not as a prayer to God, but as a prayer to another god of their own religion they refuse to at least try it for experience sake. I mean I would believe that I'm open for new experiences and even though I wouldn't necessarily do this on a regular basis (as in I wouldn't regularly tell this worry doll a worry just so as I can sleep better), though some people stick to their experiences and what they know just to keep them comfortable. MY argument to these closed-minded people, is that children cannot neccesarily picture God as a concrete idea/image so they do not necessarily just in their nature to talk/pray to something that cannot define as something they can know to exist or something solid that they can hold, therefore, they talk to these worry dolls as a process of talking to God, as most of the Guatemalan population is Christian or Protestant. so yeah. Today, in one of my lectures, we used worry dolls, to represent the meaning of meeting children where they are at, not bringing them to where you're at, and we were told to each say a worry to these worry dolls, I was willing to try it because I'm open to new experiences, though the rest of my table almost slandered it, saying it was against their beliefs and so I was rather offended by my tables reaction.
Um. another thing I'm rather annoyed by at the moment is the constant competition that seems to be going on between a few people and myself. It seems like every time we converse, that everything I say, they have something bigger, better, stronger, faster, even worse than whatever I'm talking about, be it a situation, an object or a person. Its so annoying. ITS NOT A FREAKIN COMPETITION!
Yeah. Well in one of my lectures, the topic of poverty seems to be brought forth in every lecture. It gets me frustrated because I want to do something about it, but I feel like I can't do anything about it, well nothing that will make any sort of difference anyway! Yeah. I get annoyed at the fact that other people seem to not care about this issue, and just seem not interested and complacent about it, whereas I'm passionate about it.
I hate that people hate multiculturalism in todays society, even though on reflection with a dear friend today, it would seem that we are one-dimensional without the different cultures adding to our story and adding to the colour and diversity of Australia. Without the thousands of years of history from countries that different people have when they come here, we have only had about 100 years of white history in Australia, which in my mind, makes us one-dimensional, because we have a bit of a "naivety" about us when it comes to certain things, that we don't have any prior knowledge about because of our lack of history. We are slowly getting more knowledge in some areas and less "naive" because we know some of the things that have happened in other cultures history, which we can learn from.
yeah i guess this ends my long and arduous ranting on things that annoy me. I hope this hasn't offended anyone (if anyone has read this) and I hope this adds to your thoughts, or reflections. If you have any questions. feel free to ask!!
I kinda feel better!
Cheerio
Jess
Another topic of annoyances is the constant closed-mindedness of people around me, that refuse to do things because it contradicts their "religion" and their beliefs. Who could've thought that a whispered prayer to a worry doll for instance could spark so much controversy?? and people will not bare to listen to the argument that this is a new experience and just because they see it not as a prayer to God, but as a prayer to another god of their own religion they refuse to at least try it for experience sake. I mean I would believe that I'm open for new experiences and even though I wouldn't necessarily do this on a regular basis (as in I wouldn't regularly tell this worry doll a worry just so as I can sleep better), though some people stick to their experiences and what they know just to keep them comfortable. MY argument to these closed-minded people, is that children cannot neccesarily picture God as a concrete idea/image so they do not necessarily just in their nature to talk/pray to something that cannot define as something they can know to exist or something solid that they can hold, therefore, they talk to these worry dolls as a process of talking to God, as most of the Guatemalan population is Christian or Protestant. so yeah. Today, in one of my lectures, we used worry dolls, to represent the meaning of meeting children where they are at, not bringing them to where you're at, and we were told to each say a worry to these worry dolls, I was willing to try it because I'm open to new experiences, though the rest of my table almost slandered it, saying it was against their beliefs and so I was rather offended by my tables reaction.
Um. another thing I'm rather annoyed by at the moment is the constant competition that seems to be going on between a few people and myself. It seems like every time we converse, that everything I say, they have something bigger, better, stronger, faster, even worse than whatever I'm talking about, be it a situation, an object or a person. Its so annoying. ITS NOT A FREAKIN COMPETITION!
Yeah. Well in one of my lectures, the topic of poverty seems to be brought forth in every lecture. It gets me frustrated because I want to do something about it, but I feel like I can't do anything about it, well nothing that will make any sort of difference anyway! Yeah. I get annoyed at the fact that other people seem to not care about this issue, and just seem not interested and complacent about it, whereas I'm passionate about it.
I hate that people hate multiculturalism in todays society, even though on reflection with a dear friend today, it would seem that we are one-dimensional without the different cultures adding to our story and adding to the colour and diversity of Australia. Without the thousands of years of history from countries that different people have when they come here, we have only had about 100 years of white history in Australia, which in my mind, makes us one-dimensional, because we have a bit of a "naivety" about us when it comes to certain things, that we don't have any prior knowledge about because of our lack of history. We are slowly getting more knowledge in some areas and less "naive" because we know some of the things that have happened in other cultures history, which we can learn from.
yeah i guess this ends my long and arduous ranting on things that annoy me. I hope this hasn't offended anyone (if anyone has read this) and I hope this adds to your thoughts, or reflections. If you have any questions. feel free to ask!!
I kinda feel better!
Cheerio
Jess
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Thoughts over the past while
I have been inspired by a friend of mine to start this blog. Although, I will have the will power to keep it updated.
My thoughts over the past time (can't define a particular amount of time, sorry)
We have just finished January and so also finished a couple of weeks of hilarity and stress and relaxing and social occasions and family gatherings and new ideas and and new goals and new paths to explore.
December seemed to bring everyone together and part people at the same time. Bring everyone together as in family gatherings, including Christmas (which was smaller than usual), and social gatherings that come with the hot weather. And part people, as some of my family, as some were in Queensland and some over on the EP and in Victoria. Also, people being parted includes friends who went home for the holidays (which they were intitled to do, though i missed them anyway, and was bored in their absence). December, brought some alright movies to the cinema as well. I went and saw Enchanted, which had me and a friend dancing out of the cinema and singing the songs the characters sung in the movie! Talking of people parting and saying goodbye (even if only for a little while), I had the final and appropriately named "Celebration Camp" for the course that I was doing. This was a milestone and signified the end of a chapter of my life and the beginning of a new one. I said goodbye to a few friends I had gotten to know over the year and a few friends I had gotten close to. Even though, I just said seeya later to a lot of them, as I'm hoping to still see them and catch up with them and become closer friends.
December also meant new experiences. For example, I went graffiti photographing with a couple of (what I would consider) close friends. I learnt a new game (well, new to me) called Apples to Apples, which i came to love.
New years brought a party at a friends house with a hawaiian shirt and hula skirt theme to it. Twas a great night, even though somewhat smaller group than usual because people had gone on holiday or gone home for the holdays.
January came, and along with it less hours rostered on for work, which was quite annoying.
New years resolutions were made, to which there were quite a few pages worth. It was more like a list of hopes for the year to make the most of life and to live rather than worry about life (which is what we're meant to do, in my opinion).
Also, with January came the City to Country (or Country to City) trip. To which we visited Tumby Bay, Port Neill, Port Lincoln, Cummins and Coffin Bay to connect with young people about helping them as more of them move to Adelaide to study or work. It was a good trip, though I had a bit of a shaky start, and almost didn't go because the night before I was in tears and convinced I couldn't go there and do a job as big as this one seemed to me to be. And was rather taken aback and overwhelmed by the crowd of unknown people I encountered on the Friday night at the beach mission and broke down in tears there as well. Though, the weekend seemed to get better as the team got closer and I had a few good chats with another member of the team, who was similar in personality. I met some new people, which was good, some of them I still talk to. I was quite reluctant to leave at the end of the trip.
There was two working bees at the church in January, after which a group of us went and saw a different movie after each. The first week saw Me, David, Isaac, Beth, Sarah, Penny and John at the movies to see Atonement. Which wasn't as good as we expected it to be. We were rather disappointed by it. The second Tuesday night saw me, John and David at the movies to which we were going to see a kind of Western movie, even though when crunch time came we decided to see Cloverfield. Which I was rather scared to see, as I didn't like the look of it. Even though I came out of it and thought it was a good movie. It was a bit funny. David thought it was hilarious and laughed at different stages (even though the people in front of us were quite annoyed at us because of it).
Australia Day saw a BBQ with different family members and family friends and just random friends. Twas a hectic day as i came home from work and found all these people in my backyard and they stayed until about 10pm. Twas a good day though.
The Australia Day public holiday saw a picnic dinner at the beach, which included not only food for dinner, it did also include cups of tea from the lovely John and his tea set. The beach was wonderful.
February brought new experiences with my first ice-blocking experience, which was quite fun. i wish i could've gone more actually.
I've gotten to know a few friends a little better, which i have been blessed by.
And I'm delighted to go back to Tabor now i know that I will have people i know in most of my lectures. and I know some of the lecturers. Its going to be a good year (well i hope so anyway)
well, not really my thoughts and reflections, just the outline of my day to day happenings throughout the past few months.
Cheerio
Jess
My thoughts over the past time (can't define a particular amount of time, sorry)
We have just finished January and so also finished a couple of weeks of hilarity and stress and relaxing and social occasions and family gatherings and new ideas and and new goals and new paths to explore.
December seemed to bring everyone together and part people at the same time. Bring everyone together as in family gatherings, including Christmas (which was smaller than usual), and social gatherings that come with the hot weather. And part people, as some of my family, as some were in Queensland and some over on the EP and in Victoria. Also, people being parted includes friends who went home for the holidays (which they were intitled to do, though i missed them anyway, and was bored in their absence). December, brought some alright movies to the cinema as well. I went and saw Enchanted, which had me and a friend dancing out of the cinema and singing the songs the characters sung in the movie! Talking of people parting and saying goodbye (even if only for a little while), I had the final and appropriately named "Celebration Camp" for the course that I was doing. This was a milestone and signified the end of a chapter of my life and the beginning of a new one. I said goodbye to a few friends I had gotten to know over the year and a few friends I had gotten close to. Even though, I just said seeya later to a lot of them, as I'm hoping to still see them and catch up with them and become closer friends.
December also meant new experiences. For example, I went graffiti photographing with a couple of (what I would consider) close friends. I learnt a new game (well, new to me) called Apples to Apples, which i came to love.
New years brought a party at a friends house with a hawaiian shirt and hula skirt theme to it. Twas a great night, even though somewhat smaller group than usual because people had gone on holiday or gone home for the holdays.
January came, and along with it less hours rostered on for work, which was quite annoying.
New years resolutions were made, to which there were quite a few pages worth. It was more like a list of hopes for the year to make the most of life and to live rather than worry about life (which is what we're meant to do, in my opinion).
Also, with January came the City to Country (or Country to City) trip. To which we visited Tumby Bay, Port Neill, Port Lincoln, Cummins and Coffin Bay to connect with young people about helping them as more of them move to Adelaide to study or work. It was a good trip, though I had a bit of a shaky start, and almost didn't go because the night before I was in tears and convinced I couldn't go there and do a job as big as this one seemed to me to be. And was rather taken aback and overwhelmed by the crowd of unknown people I encountered on the Friday night at the beach mission and broke down in tears there as well. Though, the weekend seemed to get better as the team got closer and I had a few good chats with another member of the team, who was similar in personality. I met some new people, which was good, some of them I still talk to. I was quite reluctant to leave at the end of the trip.
There was two working bees at the church in January, after which a group of us went and saw a different movie after each. The first week saw Me, David, Isaac, Beth, Sarah, Penny and John at the movies to see Atonement. Which wasn't as good as we expected it to be. We were rather disappointed by it. The second Tuesday night saw me, John and David at the movies to which we were going to see a kind of Western movie, even though when crunch time came we decided to see Cloverfield. Which I was rather scared to see, as I didn't like the look of it. Even though I came out of it and thought it was a good movie. It was a bit funny. David thought it was hilarious and laughed at different stages (even though the people in front of us were quite annoyed at us because of it).
Australia Day saw a BBQ with different family members and family friends and just random friends. Twas a hectic day as i came home from work and found all these people in my backyard and they stayed until about 10pm. Twas a good day though.
The Australia Day public holiday saw a picnic dinner at the beach, which included not only food for dinner, it did also include cups of tea from the lovely John and his tea set. The beach was wonderful.
February brought new experiences with my first ice-blocking experience, which was quite fun. i wish i could've gone more actually.
I've gotten to know a few friends a little better, which i have been blessed by.
And I'm delighted to go back to Tabor now i know that I will have people i know in most of my lectures. and I know some of the lecturers. Its going to be a good year (well i hope so anyway)
well, not really my thoughts and reflections, just the outline of my day to day happenings throughout the past few months.
Cheerio
Jess
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