I might regret this later, but at the moment I couldn't be stuffed!! Tonight I went to the video store with a couple of friends of mine. I walked in with happiness bubbling inside of me, and a good laugh just waiting to come out, but came out incredibly angry, wanting to hit something. I don't think it would've mattered who or what it was. I knew I needed to get out of there, and go home, but my acquaintances, well friends, I guess, spent one hour in the store looking at every aisle of both dvds and videos just to choose two dvds in the end. We were also looking around the dvds and videos looking for ideas of 90's characters we could dress up as. It was this, some of their ideas, that made me quite mad. Now, I don't get mad very often (well becoming more and more frequent), and I have never been mad at this one particular person before, so I felt it was quite strange that I suddenly wanted to hit her and her 'friends'. So, yeah, I kept my distance from them the rest of the time that they looked at dvds, and I looked at playstation games, and some of the classic movies (which I found quite amusing, once I came upon the grapes of wrath movie), then didn't talk at all in the car ride home, and then stayed in another room when we got back to their house, and then once they'd gone back out to get pizza, I went home, though i don't think actually told them i was leaving, and that i wouldn't be home when they got home. Yeah. Its the first real time in a long time that I have had this well of anger build up inside of me, this time very quickly. It was weird. I feel rather bad about it, I'm rather ashamed of the tears that were shed afterwards, and the names I might have called my friends and acquaintances afterwards, and rather ashamed of the road rage I experienced on the way home. I just don't know why this occurred. I guess I just was trying really hard, I guess too hard, to be friends and get in the 'gang' of this one particular friend, and got angry because her other friends have got so much history with her, and I guess I just want them to forget this history, I mean, the only reason i know what they're talkin about half the time is because I've seen photos of them all out and about, or dressed up at Flinders Christians or Mid Year Conference or various parties of friends before I knew them. I mean I wish people would just stop talking about one of my friends AMAZING 21st birthdays, to which was put .. I knew her, and its really annoying, and several dress up opportunities like the drug lords themed night for mid year conference or something (i don't even know that much) Yeah. I mean, if they want me as a friend, they're gonna have to make room for me, coz its not in my nature to just barge my way in to social circles and social situations. Its confronting and annoying and i guess, infuriating. Thats all for now. Looking forward to tomorrow.
Cheerio
Jess
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