Various topics

Yeah.
I dunno.
I feel like crying right now, but don't really have a reason other than my day didn't go the way I'd have liked it to go. We were assigned groups for our major assignment, and it wasn't exactly the group I'd have hoped for, but I hope it will work! And I think I was missing a friend of mine because I could not remember a day at tabor where I did not have that friend there. I just felt out of the loop on everything. I just felt like I could not talk to anyone and that they would create meaningful and substantial conversation and discussion. I felt like I had this superficial relationship between me and everyone else in the lecture rooms. Although, these lectures today provided my brain with some journalling exercises. That was pretty much it! I think its just best now if I don't assume anything or have any sort of expectations of what the day will bring because I always end up dissappointed at these things and its frickin frustrating! I know I should take other peoples advice and just NOT overthink but I cannot help it. Its part of me and who I am, and sometimes I love it because its part of me, just the odd time I don't love it! It provides me with substance so that I don't feel like a superficial version of myself, one of the clones I sometimes feel as if I live around (not going off at anyone in particular, I promise). I NEED SUBSTANCE! I (sometimes) DON'T NEED FORM! yeah. It keeps my mind in check to make sure its still there! Though it may take me longer to think through an answer and I don't think I can answer any question off the top of my head (in situations like lectures or the like) I need time to think about it and would prefer to write it down rather than speak it out. Yeah. I dunno what is happening. I have noticed myself shaking a lot more than usual, which is weird, I don't know what that means.

I went out to dinner with a couple of youth work friends. I had a great time, the conversation with most were good. Though, I didn't get to talk to some people to which I would've really liked to have talked to just about how life was going and stuff like that, because I felt like i haven't talked to them in ages, well not properly and when I can't have a meaningful conversation with people I get annoyed at myself mostly.

thats all for now I think

Cheerio (which is NOT from Postman Pat)
Jess