want to start over?

I just want to say sorry, this is a confession, I guess.

You know the best thing about solitude..... I can be me! I can stop being what everyone else wants me to be, I can stop recreating myself to fit into other peoples expectations..... I can sing, laugh and dance around the house, I can wear trakkies and my flannie shirt around the house and listen to the music that I like. I can be me and true to myself. Its fantastic. Not that everything I have done is not true to myself, just some of the stuff that I have decided to do, has been to fit in and try and be "cool".... I want to go back to the person I was in primary school when my best friend was Ellen and we used to play with barbies and create musicals and perform them to our mums... I want to be able to just move and not worry about whether or not I lifted my leg too high. I just want to be able to do anything without worrying about whether or not I was better or outdoing anyone, I just want to live my life without having to be dumber than everyone else. I want to be me, who thinks about things deeper than what I have been, who notices how people are really doing and acts on it. Who doesn't screw things up with the only person who means so much to me at this moment!! Who can sing at the top of her lungs without the fear of other people telling her that shes not at just the right pitch to sing as loud as everyone else, the old Jess would never let that hold her back! I just want people to accept the fact that I do have energetic moments, when I am on a natural high on life, but then I do have deep moments, where I like to recluse and think, and the only way that I will interact to people is if they talk to me first. Solitude is the only way to remind me that competition is stupid, that we can't compete for the best life, the worst life, the most humble, the most giving, the most 'up themselves'! We are what we are. We are what God made us to be. It doesn't matter if someones better than you, worse than you, etc. Yeah. I don't really know what I was trying to say.

I know it is the weirdest source for a quote but the movie "camp rock" came up with this one: "It's not all about your image. None of it means anything unless people see who you really are" yeah.... I do hope that I continue to show the world who I really am, that I can be the person I am in solitude with other people as well, that I can show the world the real me, but if it doesn't happen, I won't be surprised, and keep this in mind, for those who actually read this ( i would be surprised if there was anyone!)

yeah....