These are just my thoughts for tonight.
1. I get absolutely annoyed at everything at the moment. I don't know why i do. But for some reason all my annoyances are focussed on some people from various groups I'm not going to mention. But I think the reason for my annoyances, is that I'm getting ignored by some people (those people i would also not mention here). But I feel that I'm not being listened to most of the time.. I've figured out over the past few weeks that I need to be the centre of attention. I don't mean to be, but just feel like i need to be. and for nearly all of my years, I have been told to sit on the sidelines watching other people who seem to be much better than me. I end up wishing i was the people in the limelight, I wish that I was the people that other people were watching from the sidelines wishing they were me. So yeah, I know God has told me that my time will come for me to step up to the plate and that my time will come where i am the centre of attention. But he also told me that I have to wait. But I feel at this time that I can't wait. I know I'm impatient, and that I need to learn to be patient, but its just the way I am and its not going to change, and it'll take time. Yeah, so, every once in a while I need and would like to be listened to, whether its just for me to have some input into a conversation, or to say a joke that just came into my head, or to vent or rant to, or to say something completely random. Yeah. so if you're not willing to listen or you don't have time to just say at least hi to me.... then you should just GO AWAY!!! and we should not be friends.... because I LOVE to have my voice heard at some point. but when people don't listen to me I start to get angry and annoyed at other people. Start to be jealous at the people who are taking my best friends away from me. And if you're not going to make promises you can't keep, WHY MAKE THE PROMISES IN THE FIRST PLACE?!? yeah sorry i feel as if i need to go down to my beach. break something, yell or SOMETHING, to get this anger out of me... as I'm not usually an angry...
I've also learnt that I like to monopolize people and things. I like to be in complete control and when I'm not, I also get quite annoyed. Yeah. I spose as a Christian, I'm not meant to be in complete control. God is meant to have control over my life and I need to hand over things to God, but its also really hard and may take some time.
I've also learnt that yelling is a GOOD thing. I think i may do it more often.
I'm thankful to all those people that HAVE listened to me, have said the simplest things such as HI! to me, to those people who give me hugs when I want them or when I ask for them, for those people who have let me rant and rave and act like a lunatic. I salute you. I admire you... YOU ACTUALLY LISTENED TO ME!!! I hold that closely and admire you a LOT for that.
And this just may be a rant and a rave of mine. but if you have read this. I thank you too.
I think I may get over this annoyed state very soon. Hoping to. But till then. Hoping I can enjoy my birthday and party.
Cheerio
Jess
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